Jolly Astrology – Mon 18 July 2016

Hi folks!

This week’s show starts with a bit of Psychic Q&A, a message from our sponsors at Dafuq Industries, followed by Jolly Astrology for the week starting Mon 18 July 2016.

Make sure to keep the questions coming!

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Last week marked the 15th anniversary of your blockbuster, this week however, eh…try unicycling.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

You are strong; your so-called squad is weak! Does the ‘head’ of this squad really deserve your support? Where they there when Rome fell?

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Kanye, I mean Gemini, last week all your wildest dreams came true; also it looks like you were right, all along, perhaps Queen B did have the greatest music video of all time.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

I’m sensing a birthday for you soon, also how can mirrors be real, if our eyes aren’t real?

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

When the preverbial hits the fan, and your people need a new leader, be ready! You could be the new Monarch…or Dictator…whatever floats your boat, and you will have a boat, many boats!

Virgo (August 22 – September 22)

Your spouse may be a little peaved about an event you went to on the 4th of July, in particular the not-so-candid photo shoot, that left them looking like a bored puritan; let’s just say, the arse kissing shouldn’t stop yet!

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

This week you’ll come to the sad realisation, that you may be too old for the skater look. Try keeping your hair just one colour, and also, please, less mascara!

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

While most of the world thinks a certain Calvin Harris started the Taylor Swift downfall, well…I know what you did this summer!

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

After stabbing others in the back, in particular exes and any other “advesaries”, last week you took a solid gulp of your own medicine. This week I suggest laying low on social media; maybe even hug someone, adopt a cat, give to the homeless, you know, just try being nice, for once.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

It seems this week, you will find that you are less relevant than you once were; I see two options for you: beers and burgers, or get your arse into gear, you lazy SOB! Hmmm, beers and burgers.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

It appears things are looking up for you buddy. Though, really, what’s going on with that hair? You trying out for a part in Lord of the Rings?

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

I know, I know, mum isn’t down for the reunion, and dad’s retired from football, so who’s gonna pay dem billz now baby? YOU BUDDY, YOU! Go, do, something…like soccer of pop music. You know! Be original!

You Win! I Rock!
Goodnight Seattle!

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