Jolly Astrology – Mon 15 August 2016

Hi folks!

This week’s show starts with a bit of Psychic Q&A, a message our sponsors at Quality Hitmen, for all your assassin needs, go with Quality Hitmen, followed by Jolly Astrology for the week starting Mon 15 August 2016.

Make sure to keep the questions coming!

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

This week you will come to the conclusion that, that pain in your arse is in fact not your day job, but the weird object you’re sitting on!

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, corn chips rule! This will become your mantra this week. Nachos, yechos? Always Nachos! Don’t you ever forget it.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

So, you love your job, it makes you much money; I don’t care for both, your job, or the shitty pamphlets you put in my letterbox! Get out of real estate grrl!

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

This week you’ll start a painting project, unfortunately, you’re an idiot. Nah, just kidding, you won’t do any painting.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

This week you’ll go out with the sole purpose of buying a sandwich press; you will however, end up purchasing a bread maker, and donuts, and a thick shake…happy birthday you miserable bastard.

Virgo (August 22 – September 22)

Your asinine rumblings can be heard far and wide, via your annoying blog…stop, please won’t you stop! Won’t somebody think of the children!

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Your shrewd investment in monkey business last week has made you quite wealthy, however don’t be angry, like I could tell the monkeys would take over?!?

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

This week you will fire one ballistic missile, ah, ah, ah…no? Two ballistic missiles, ah, ah, ah…Three ballistic missiles, ah, ah, ah…anyway, your trained monkeys are running that new startup into the ground, just as you ordered…you’re either very powerful or stupid…or both!

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Your group is strong, some people in the media however, think that you are a terrorist; a sagiterrorist…oooh, okay, I’ll be here all week!

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Like a ride at an amusement park, you too will have to be a certain height! Good luck with that!

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Eh…you’re alright…I s’pose.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

It’s the end of these stars as we know it and I feel fine; good news, for the rest of the week, you will too!

You Win! I Rock!
Goodnight Seattle!

Music bed for Psychic Q&A:
Netherworld Shanty Kevin MacLeod (
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License

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