This week’s show starts with a bit of Psychic Q&A, a message our sponsors over at Dafuq Industries, followed by Jolly Astrology for the week starting Mon 12 September 2016.
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Ever built a small boat out of an old bath tub? Me neither, but for some reason you have an ever growing urge to do so; some say you’re crazy, some say love, and others are just plain confused. Trust me, when I saw this in the stars I too was quite bewildered.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Don’t mix milk and orange juice, or eat raw chicken this week. Wise words, I know. You can thank me later.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
You will win a business contract this week, mainly due to your superb attire. You would have probably been best served by losing it though; you have no idea what you’re doing! If only that business knew what I knew: the suit doesn’t make the man; it hides the idiot!
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
I have foreseen many wonderful things this week; not for you! Waiiit…no, not for you.
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
You are going to just love this week ahead! Money and ideas will be flowing in, and yes, some nasty smelling substances will be flowing out too, but partying as hard as that, what can you expect? The overall is still good, which is rare for you, so just enjoy the shit out of it!
Virgo (August 22 – September 22)
No, no one wants to buy your oddly organised boxes of 20 year old microwave dinners!
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Be alert…that’s all, no, you don’t need to be alarmed or anything, just…alert…of…flying saucepans!
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
After much nuclear testing, this week you will find your headquarters is now slowly sinking into the ground, any more and the whole country may just sink, like that non-fictional country of Atlantis!
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
Let your natural charm work the board room this week, that and your wit will win them over — which is strange seeing as you don’t work there, or at all for that matter.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
The stars are telling me that this week you will experience an acute case of boogie rhythm fever…I suggest plenty of toilet paper, and also keep the fluids up!
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
You will astound many friends this week by a feat that actually just makes no sense…no sense at all! You crazy bastard!
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
This week just focus on a simple mantra: the only way is up, unless you’re upside down, then it’d be down. I mean it’d be down for you but still up for everyone else.
You Win! I Rock!