Jolly Astrology – Mon 11 July 2016

Hi folks!

This week’s show starts with a bit of Psychic Q&A, a message from our sponsors at Quality Hitmen, make sure to check them out if you need a hitman, followed by Jolly Astrology for the week starting Mon 11 July 2016.

Make sure to keep the questions coming!

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Turns out you’re, EVEN, more boring than, you had previously thought. This week, you will attempt to do something of import, or import funny.txt into your brain.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Pre-mature…ity is a curse, luckily, you have a way of embracing it, and in this, and, in the weeks to follow, you will, before it’s time, make the most of an older situation.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

No-one else likes your supposed, supportive comments you’re making; like, when was, “I’ve seen fatter”, or, “my dead plant, isn’t as funny as you”, ever truly a compliment? You arse!

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

This week you will learn the secrets of the secret sauce; you’ll end up more shocked and disgusted, than amazed, or awed!

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Like food? This week, you can eat as much as you can’t handle…just steer clear of vegetables, no-one really likes them; they only pretend!

Virgo (August 22 – September 22)

How was last week? Still running? Hah! I’m sorry, I still do find it funny, that my laziness caused such toilet troubles for you. This week will dry up a bit though, so be happy about that!

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

This week, as Virgo dries up, so will your, unremarkable carpentry…well, you’ve still got Paris…Texas…no? Oh well, next week gadget, next week!

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

You may be a smooth operator, and you may get to be the Prime Minister of Australia; doesn’t mean anyone really likes you, or who you’ve become!

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Did you know that an ounce of platinum can be stretched 10,000 feet? It can, apparently, I don’t know what this means for you however.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Last week you were dropping steamers, this week, you’re doing the paddling, up that creek we all know, and don’t love. No wonder, really, what with all of Virgo’s loose stools last week!

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

This week someone will give you some advice, you will subsequently, give up your day job; they said DON’T, don’t quite your day job! Sheesh!

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

You win some, you lose some, then there’s you…I don’t know…eat a burger, or climb a tree.

You Win! I Rock!
Goodnight Seattle!

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